January 16, 2012

one of those days

Today I woke up and just felt sad and depressed overall. I cried several times and told my husband how I was feeling so hopeless. My experience tells me that these intense feelings of discontent are often fleeting and at best usually last about a day. I told Derrick how this felt never-ending... and by this I mean school, crazy work schedules, even crazier living arrangement, and doing it all for very little income.  Its stressful and today it got the better of me.  Derrick gave me lots of hugs, played Justin Bieber's Never Say Never (lol!) and sent me off to work work with lots of encouragement.

I work with 2 (twin) babies, and I have to say that no bad mood can endure when I am around them. like one would guess, 2 babies keeps a person busy but there are additional factors that make my time with them super busy. Its definitely a job and I applaud their mother who is with them all the while...its a never ending commitment. But I will say that no amount of sadness can endure when I am around them. I get the sweetest baby snuggles and I feel wanted and needed for the comfort I can give them. Baths, diapers, hugs and cuddles, shooshing and walking etc... they make me feel happy...so my spirits were lifted :)

I also peeked at this throughout the day. I made it yesterday. I wanted to make Parker a personal valentine that she can use for her school party if she so chooses.

xoxoparker

How can that not make you smile??

Additionally I think I have nailed down a logo I can live with. Photography as an art and practice is one thing...photography as a business is entirely another and to be honest I am somewhat stuck. I really had to sit back and think if now was the time in my life to put all this energy into a business. I really need to learn to prioritize my energy and P.A. school is honestly where I need to put my efforts. That doesn't mean I will not be doing portrait shoots. On the contrary! I am still taking clients and would love to continue to do so...but I need to do it on my terms and on my time and that just doesn't really leave me in a place where I would feel good about investing in business tools, mainly a new website and marketing materials. So I was feeling a little sad about that...limiting myself, and yet in a way it takes a lot of pressure off me to suddenly be this busy photographer. I can tale pictures for myself WHICH I happen to think is extremely valuable. I am still finding my own style and I truly want to explore other styles of photography.

Anywaaaaaaay that was really long winded, but the point is; making a new logo was a little piece of happiness. I am about 99% sure this is the one, but I welcome your opinions :)

633bw copy

See it there? Above her head like a little halo. I had to lay it on one of my most favorite photos EVER...so sweet and loving and soft and ethereal. love, love, love this picture...I need someone to take a picture like this of me and my husband....maybe him and I will have to set up the tripod and let the camera click away as we canoodle ;)

So in the midst of my self pity I was able to find little things to be grateful for and to make me smile AND I managed to pull myself out of my own funk by days end...not too bad.



signature

2 comments:

Kelly said...

You are AMAZING!!!!! i LOVE LOVE LOVE the logo..it is very you!
Parkers valentine is fantastic...I see an etsy shop in your future.

Conrad, Michelle, Bronwen, Ava and Cate said...

Jana,

You are so talented & amazing in so many areas! And your kids & hubby..... :-) There are so many people who wish they had what you have. Enjoy this time!!! And, I agree with Kelly. :-)

Love,

Michelle