September 22, 2011

Taking a break

Everyday I sit down to write here, and usually I just feel too overwhelmed to get started. Where do I begin?? Well I am going to speak truthfully but not in a feel sorry for myself sort of way. Just the truth, spoken with love...

Mostly these days I am feeling defeated and just that life (in general) is really hard right now. Even though I KNOW this is a 2 year push to get Derrick through school and us in a better place financially, I still feel somewhat hopeless...Like when is it going to be over? Compounding the problem is the fact that my health has taken a turn for the worse. Its really hard to tell people this because I don't think my friends and family look at me and see someone in failing health. I am dealing with extreme exhaustion that is really ruining my life. It is with me all the time but hits me especially hard between 1pm and 4pm rendering me pretty much useless. If I can I will just lay down and take a nap. And in general the morning hours are just foggy. I am my best from 6pm on BUT this is not normal or healthy. Some people have suggested I just build my life around my body's schedule but that doesn't work when you have kids AND we are not meant to be nocturnal. Its just not how we are meant to operate. For a period of time I was taking Aderall which is just legal amphetamine, and that was great because it helped me be awake but I was still battling this underlying current of exhaustion. Sadly western Dr don't even begin to address my issues. I find myself greatly disappointed in their desire to get to the root of my issues. They just want to treat the symptoms. I could write a whole other post about this, how disappointing it is, and how it makes me have serious doubts about becoming a PA and my ability to truly help people in that capacity, but I will save that for another day.

I finally turned to NCNM, the naturopathic college. I wont go into too much detail but they talked to me about my health from childhood on. Pinpointed some possible issues, like my liver. Why did I have liver failure with my pregnancies? They thought that was a sign that my body was already struggling at the time I got pregnant with the kids. I talked to them about being sick a lot as a kid, and being on antibiotics every cold and flew season, and how we did not have a schedule, routine, or much of a nurturing we were kind of left to fend for ourselves a lot of the time and how we didn't eat very nutritiously. I talked to them about my life now, how sometimes I feel like having kids was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and how my body feels like it has been failing ever since. It was awesome! Two women handing me tissues, genuinely interested in helping me reclaim my health so that I could enjoy my life. In the end they decided to request records from my PA and prescribed me a b complex. multi vit in a liquid form so that it is more bioavailable, and a magnesium supplement. They asked me to consider quitting my job that keeps me up till 12am, and to move my body for 30 min each day. They prescribed dry brushing which you can read about here and seed cycling which you can read about here. I also have to document my diet. At home I have been trying to get to bed and get up around the same time, and in general I have just been saying no to extras. Extra shifts, extra responsibility, extra anything that I don't want to expend my energy on. It has just been about me, the kids, and Derrick. Already I am starting to feel a little better, which is probably psychological, but thats ok. I am 100% committed to healing my body before I end up with an autoimmune disorder. I read an interesting article about stress, adrenal fatigue and cortisol levels and mostly how cortisol helps regulate the immune system. Everyone knows that too much cortisol causes weight gain, but it also causes the immune system to depressed which means we get sick a lot.  What happens when we have years of continued stress, or an large event of huge stress? Sometimes the adrenals end up fatigued and stop pumping out the appropriate levels of cortisol...this means the immune system works overtime which = autoimmune disorders.  I read that and knew I had to change my life. I do not want to get myself so sick that my body turns on me and I end up with something I cannot reverse.

So that is what is going on, and is also the reason why I am taking a break from my blog. I want to write and post pretty interiors, and talk about my photography, but I just dont have the time or energy anymore. I need to give all my available extra energy to my family and get us through this next year.

I welcome your comments, positive thoughts, and fact prayer and my faith in God is really getting me through right now... I welcome it all. I am closing in my circle and I have some pretty incredible lady friends whom I am so grateful for, and a couple of guys in the mix who have been there for me too and mean a lot to know who you are.

I love you all :)



Monique K said...

It takes a lot of strength and courage to do the right thing! I'm cheering you on from the sidelines Jana. These are extraordinary times for your family...hopefully you'll soon be able to look back on them and recognize the value of your sacrifice.