July 12, 2009


Derrick and I had the pleasure of attending a friends wedding today. It was at our local McMennamin's...awesome cause its about 1 mile from our house, they have a great booze selection, and it is a pleasing atmosphere in general...especially if you are outside, which as luck would have it, we were.

The booze selection (my favorite being a grapefruit, vodka, champagne concoction...I think it is called a grapefruit sparkler)and the proximity to our house really go hand in hand and make its appeal as a place to go and have a couple drinks exponentially greater.

We are parents now, and while we enjoy a night out that includes cocktails, responsibility is very important to us. It's a lot easier to drive home 1 mile than 10.

Lucky for us there was an open bar which was hosted by the wedding party...that's right...it was free, at least for the first hour so the out of pocket booze expense was not bad. It would have been nothing if Derrick and I had resisted the customary drink that has become our pre-wedding/party of any sort ritual...but no dice...the bar was beckoning us and we were weak.

My biggest problem is I always fail to include my stomach into the equation. After downing a pre ceremony cocktail, and then a post ceremony cocktail (while we waited for the buffet lines to open) I found my self pretty hungry...and the pasta and salad they were serving wasn't cutting it. I hightailed it on over to the bar and ordered up a cheeseburger and tots. Truly, I don't usually eat food like this but I had the alcohol in the system, and we all know the only thing that is going to soak that up is some sort of plate heavy in grease, fat of some sort, and a good serving of carbs....so I pretty much had a winner with the cheeseburger and tots combo.

Incidentally brew fest was going on at the same time as was another wedding, so it was busy....tick tock...and 30 minutes later I'm still at the bar waiting for my food, missing the reception festivities. At this point I am about to eat my hand but restrain myself because I see the waiter coming over with my burger (which I ordered at the bar inside the restaurant...the wedding was outside, in case I didn't make the logistics clear) I grabbed myself some ketchup and hurried back to my table at the reception where I sat down just in time to see the bride and groom cut the cake. After that I was so busy chowing down that I barely noticed the bride and groom making their rounds right in my direction.

Ok, this might be a little awkward.

Here I am at their wedding clearly not eating what they have provided, and I have gone as far as to order and pay for my own food. Shit, this is really not looking good for me...It is dawning on me that I may have really insulted them. I wipe my mouth as they arrive at our table and I lightheartedly mention how good the burgers looked when we came in and how I just couldn't help it I was craving one so bad. The groom responds with "Hey, that's ok. You just have to satisfy that craving when you've got a baby in there!"

Hold The Phone!

What gave him the idea that I was with child?? I don't have one of those figures that could go either way. I am either clearly pregnant or not....there is usually no question. I start looking down at my stomach. Am I bloated? Is this dress particularly tent-y? Although I am feeling quite bloated after chowing down so much food, I rule it out as a visual queue to him that I might be pregnant, and decide that the dress although not form fitting is clearly not tent-y and more along the lines of an empire silhouette.

Because I have determined that it is not a matter of my figure and that it must have been something I said I am not offended, but I find it comical. I look at Derrick who is looking down and trying not to laugh, but (and let me remind you we have had a few) he can't help himself and starts to giggle. I turn to the groom and reply "Well if you are talking about a food baby, then yeah, there is probably one in there, but I am definitely not pregnant...I had those highways of fertility road blocked long ago" The funny thing was he didn't apologize or seem embarrassed, he just accepted the fact that I was not pregnant and moved the conversation along. The bride and I looked at each other with a knowing glance, because we have just non verbally acknowledged that both our husbands are likely drunk; mine nervously chuckling and hers making prego remarks to people who are clearly not pregnant.
With nothing else to say we wished them well on their trip to Hawaii and headed out to our car to drive the 1 mile (insert huge smile for short commute) home.

I think the moral of the story here, people, is that free alcohol is not always free.
You will need to purchase an accompanying cheeseburger with tots, and you may get a pregnancy accusation/assumption.


Conrad, Michelle, Bronwen & Ava Family said...

Hey lady! I left a comment here yesterday, but somehow it didn't save...

Anyway, this was such a great story that I had to read it again. :-D You made me literally laugh out loud -I loved it!!!